Could that have been me?
In my heart of hearts I was thinking I was going to be rich and famous (to which I am neither...) by the time I was 30.
So what's the reality? I'm 32 years old and working as a 2nd Assistant Manager for Big 5 Sporting Goods... Wow...
I look at all the strange turns my life has taken and I am amazed at how many opportunities I've squandered over the years to make my life better. It makes me think that I'm destined to destroy my life...
I know what you're thinking, "Boo hoo to you... At least you have a job and you have your health jackass..."
And to be truthful, I'm not really complaining about where I am in life because at the end of the day, I work for a very good company with some kick butt benefits (I don't have to pay for health/dental insurance and that's WAY cool for a retail outlet.) and I get to hang out with my younger brother who, for all intent and purposes is my son.
Speaking of my younger brother, I'm incredibly proud of the man he is becoming. He graduated with honors from college and is actually working in the field he studied for (Journalism). He still has his little quirks but hell don't we all?
I really envy his youth because he's been able to audition for American Idol, he's sung the national anthem at a Reno Aces game (They're the Arizona Diamondbacks' AAA affiliate), and he's got a wonderful, loud boisterous girlfriend who really cares for him. He really is grabbing life by the balls (when he isn't sleeping of course... lol) and I really envy that.
My question to myself is why the hell didn't I do that? I guess it stems from the fact I was really sheltered when I was young so I tend to always try to go the safe route as opposed to the road of the unknown. I'm a person who says if I can't win why the hell should I play?
I had aspirations as a youngster, that I never achieved and will never be able to (unless of course there is a friggin' miracle and the Navy decides to let people over 30 join the SEALs)
Yes you read that right, I wanted to be a Navy SEAL when I was younger. Not a Doctor, not a police officer, and not a lawyer. And I wanted to be a SEAL, but not in the way that most young people play Army and want to be Rambo... I knew what the SEALs did (not the macho stuff you see in the movies) and I was inspired by their dedication and their heroics. I just remember being 13 and saying to myself I want to be that. And if I got the chance I'd go for it.
Unfortunately, my upbringing came into play... I moved to Arizona at the age of 20 and I was working for a credit card company, when the attacks of 9/11 happened... I remember being so angry and my patriotism welled up in me. Until a call from my mother came in on my cell phone. She started to worry that with those attacks I would get drafted to go to war and what not and I told her not to worry if it came it came. Little did she know I was thinking of going off to join the Navy to try out for BUD/S (SEAL training). But this wasn't the normal call in that I heard the intense worry in her voice which turned on my "Momma's Boy Software" so that scrapped my plans... I thought about enlisting in the ensuing years still thinking I wanted to go military, but when paying rent/car payment/bills enter your mind I knew I wasn't in the state to try. Which I regret to this day...
It always amuses me when my mother asks me why didn't I join the military if I wanted to join so bad? Because I always tell her that in all honesty it's because of that call I got from her on 9/11... In my effort to be a good asian son and not worry her... That usually shuts her up and she doesn't ask or gives me crap about it anymore...
I don't hate her for it, but I always wonder what my life would've been like if I did make it into the Teams. Would I have had the intestinal fortitude to make it through BUD/S Training? Would I be fighting in Afghanistan? Would I have served with distinction? Would I be one of the casualties of war? All questions I'll never know the answer to now...
So as it is now, I'm an Assistant Manager for one of the biggest sporting goods companies in the west. I'm a master at nothing and I'm waaay to old to attain my initial goals... But I guess I keep plugging on as we all do... I need to find some new goals... Although I'll be getting that tattoo that I've been meaning to get for years... So there's one...
So... What do I want to be when I grow up? I guess someone who gives a crap...
