Good Luck In Your Future Endeavors...

Yeah buddy... That was me... lol

I was reading some releases for the WWE and it always makes me laugh when I see "The WWE wishes so and so good luck in their future endeavors"... Really? In a business when someone gets fired I don't think I've ever heard anyone say "Oh and by the way good luck in your future endeavors..." and meant it...

Matter of fact, one fun little story I have centers around my being laid off from Sallie Mae... I laugh at this story because my cousin/big sister was more upset about how it transpired than I was... lol

I'll start off with a little back story on this... Right around 2008 when the elections were starting to heat up there was a lot of talk about student loans getting hit hard especially in the FFELP (If you don't know what that is here's a wikipedia link.... ) So like most major corporations Sallie Mae began to downsize, which is quite understandable because you gotta make that money somehow... (I guess...) My cousin who helped me get a job with Sallie Mae is eternally a "glass half-empty" type of girl... I remember she kept saying we're screwed... It only really started hitting me when pretty much most of my team was let go in a mass layoff. Leaving only 5 or 6 of us left. We were to be reassigned...

So one day I'm working on my daily reports which I sent to the VP I worked for, when all of a sudden I had to reboot my computer. Not an unusual occurrence since the laptops we used crashed or slowed down A LOT...

I'll also mention that day there was a HUGE conference call announcing more layoffs... But I didn't receive an invite to the party, so it was business as usual I thought...

Problem was I wasn't able to log back in... This was about 10 or 11... So I went ahead and called our help desk to see if it was something system related. They said they'd call back.

So I remember going to my cousin's cubicle and telling her something's wrong I don't think I work for the company anymore... I can remember the look on her face, it was a look of disbelief and she started snooping with her boss... I figured if I was getting let go might as well go to lunch... lol

I got back to the office and my cousin had this insane look on her face she looked up the help desk ticket and it said something to the effect of "We contacted Alan's boss and he said Oh he doesn't know?" Suffice it to say my cousin was a little more than pissed... (And you NEVER want to see her pissed...) She went into her bosses office and demanded him to find out what the hell was going on... All the while I'm thinking "Hmm... wonder what now?"

So I get called into our human resources office and they get my director on the phone and she begins to apologize to me about not being on the call that morning and they were letting me go... My first thought honestly was "Ok... Who the hell cares... What are you assholes gonna give me in the way of a severance package??? Dolla signs bitch!" Of course I tried to be as amiable as I could be as she finished up her speech.

So what did she end with? "I want to wish you good luck in your future endeavors" Being the smart ass, I said "Thank you and good luck in your future endeavors as well!" I to this day honestly think that caught her off guard... lol

So once that was finished, my cousin and most of my co-workers of 5 years helped me pack up what I had in my cubicle I said my abbreviated good byes and left no longer working for Sallie Mae...

Funny side note... My cousin called me after she left work to see if I was ok, and then went on a 10 minute rant about how they let me go and how they were a-holes to let me go like that... I'm thinking geez I'm the one who got let go and you're more upset about it than I am! lol (But that's why I've always said that my cousin Corrine is my big sister...)

So what's in a phrase? Especially this one? When people say that they don't give a rat's ass about you... It's really just a nice way of saying "Good riddance and don't let the door hit your ass on the way out, because we gotta pay to have that door cleaned..."

What Do I Wanna Be When I Grow Up?

Could that have been me?

It's kind of funny I was thinking about this in reflection of my current life situation...

In my heart of hearts I was thinking I was going to be rich and famous (to which I am neither...) by the time I was 30.

So what's the reality? I'm 32 years old and working as a 2nd Assistant Manager for Big 5 Sporting Goods... Wow...

I look at all the strange turns my life has taken and I am amazed at how many opportunities I've squandered over the years to make my life better. It makes me think that I'm destined to destroy my life...

I know what you're thinking, "Boo hoo to you... At least you have a job and you have your health jackass..."

And to be truthful, I'm not really complaining about where I am in life because at the end of the day, I work for a very good company with some kick butt benefits (I don't have to pay for health/dental insurance and that's WAY cool for a retail outlet.) and I get to hang out with my younger brother who, for all intent and purposes is my son.

Speaking of my younger brother, I'm incredibly proud of the man he is becoming. He graduated with honors from college and is actually working in the field he studied for (Journalism). He still has his little quirks but hell don't we all?

I really envy his youth because he's been able to audition for American Idol, he's sung the national anthem at a Reno Aces game (They're the Arizona Diamondbacks' AAA affiliate), and he's got a wonderful, loud boisterous girlfriend who really cares for him. He really is grabbing life by the balls (when he isn't sleeping of course... lol) and I really envy that.

My question to myself is why the hell didn't I do that? I guess it stems from the fact I was really sheltered when I was young so I tend to always try to go the safe route as opposed to the road of the unknown. I'm a person who says if I can't win why the hell should I play?

I had aspirations as a youngster, that I never achieved and will never be able to (unless of course there is a friggin' miracle and the Navy decides to let people over 30 join the SEALs)

Yes you read that right, I wanted to be a Navy SEAL when I was younger. Not a Doctor, not a police officer, and not a lawyer. And I wanted to be a SEAL, but not in the way that most young people play Army and want to be Rambo... I knew what the SEALs did (not the macho stuff you see in the movies) and I was inspired by their dedication and their heroics. I just remember being 13 and saying to myself I want to be that. And if I got the chance I'd go for it.

Unfortunately, my upbringing came into play... I moved to Arizona at the age of 20 and I was working for a credit card company, when the attacks of 9/11 happened... I remember being so angry and my patriotism welled up in me. Until a call from my mother came in on my cell phone. She started to worry that with those attacks I would get drafted to go to war and what not and I told her not to worry if it came it came. Little did she know I was thinking of going off to join the Navy to try out for BUD/S (SEAL training). But this wasn't the normal call in that I heard the intense worry in her voice which turned on my "Momma's Boy Software" so that scrapped my plans... I thought about enlisting in the ensuing years still thinking I wanted to go military, but when paying rent/car payment/bills enter your mind I knew I wasn't in the state to try. Which I regret to this day...

It always amuses me when my mother asks me why didn't I join the military if I wanted to join so bad? Because I always tell her that in all honesty it's because of that call I got from her on 9/11... In my effort to be a good asian son and not worry her... That usually shuts her up and she doesn't ask or gives me crap about it anymore...

I don't hate her for it, but I always wonder what my life would've been like if I did make it into the Teams. Would I have had the intestinal fortitude to make it through BUD/S Training? Would I be fighting in Afghanistan? Would I have served with distinction? Would I be one of the casualties of war? All questions I'll never know the answer to now...

So as it is now, I'm an Assistant Manager for one of the biggest sporting goods companies in the west. I'm a master at nothing and I'm waaay to old to attain my initial goals... But I guess I keep plugging on as we all do... I need to find some new goals... Although I'll be getting that tattoo that I've been meaning to get for years... So there's one...

So... What do I want to be when I grow up? I guess someone who gives a crap...

Life is Too Short...

Sad news today, Andrew Koenig the gentleman who played "Boner" on Growing Pains was found dead at Stanley Park in Vancouver of an apparent suicide.

His father Walter Koenig said that he suffered from depression and he has been off of his medication for about a year. Right before he went missing he had sent a very despondent letter to his parents. Then went missing.

I remember him from his time on Growing Pains, but I mainly remember him from his recent work as the camera operator on one of my favorite podcasts Never Not Funny. He seemed to be a person who cared about the world he lived in, he fought for causes and seemed to be very happy go lucky.

I can't even start to say I know how his parents Walter and Judy feel, being that I've never had someone in my own family take their own life.

However I have been there in terms of wanting to take my own life. It was a dark time in my life and I felt as if the world would have been better off if I wasn't wasting it's air. I can distinctly remember just this hollow feeling inside myself where I felt like crying all the time because I felt like a failure at life and there wasn't anything else I could do... I figured the pain would go away if it would just end...

There were those days I was happy I didn't have guns in my apartment...

A lot of people including my big sis asked me why the hell don't you go and get you some "happy pills"???

I would always reply I never wanted to be caught in a loop of medications just to control my depression. So I just begged for their patience while I worked through my rough spots. Which thankfully they did!

There are those that know me now that would probably say "what???"

But the people who mattered in my life most like my big sis helped me through it. Don't get me wrong I still get bad spells of depression and being I'm not around my big sis anymore it's harder and harder to contend with sometimes. But I trudge through it somehow now.

At the end of the day I guess the will to trudge through a crappy life will always prevail in me, I still get depressed but I now know that it lasts a little bit and I have to hold out a little bit and just get through it. But as Walter Koenig said in his press conference don't ignore it and feel it's going to be ok, because it never is...

Lates

A