Life is Too Short...

Sad news today, Andrew Koenig the gentleman who played "Boner" on Growing Pains was found dead at Stanley Park in Vancouver of an apparent suicide.

His father Walter Koenig said that he suffered from depression and he has been off of his medication for about a year. Right before he went missing he had sent a very despondent letter to his parents. Then went missing.

I remember him from his time on Growing Pains, but I mainly remember him from his recent work as the camera operator on one of my favorite podcasts Never Not Funny. He seemed to be a person who cared about the world he lived in, he fought for causes and seemed to be very happy go lucky.

I can't even start to say I know how his parents Walter and Judy feel, being that I've never had someone in my own family take their own life.

However I have been there in terms of wanting to take my own life. It was a dark time in my life and I felt as if the world would have been better off if I wasn't wasting it's air. I can distinctly remember just this hollow feeling inside myself where I felt like crying all the time because I felt like a failure at life and there wasn't anything else I could do... I figured the pain would go away if it would just end...

There were those days I was happy I didn't have guns in my apartment...

A lot of people including my big sis asked me why the hell don't you go and get you some "happy pills"???

I would always reply I never wanted to be caught in a loop of medications just to control my depression. So I just begged for their patience while I worked through my rough spots. Which thankfully they did!

There are those that know me now that would probably say "what???"

But the people who mattered in my life most like my big sis helped me through it. Don't get me wrong I still get bad spells of depression and being I'm not around my big sis anymore it's harder and harder to contend with sometimes. But I trudge through it somehow now.

At the end of the day I guess the will to trudge through a crappy life will always prevail in me, I still get depressed but I now know that it lasts a little bit and I have to hold out a little bit and just get through it. But as Walter Koenig said in his press conference don't ignore it and feel it's going to be ok, because it never is...

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